snap shot

maybe the reason i love photography so much is because i feel able to make a passing moment permanent. i want to remember that little look oliver gives me when he's being sneaky. click. i want to see nicholas' 6 year old concentration forever. click. i want to smile at abigail's defensive furrowed brow long after she outgrows her two's. click.
but, even these sweet snapshots can't contain all that i desire: the sweet breathing i hear when i lay next to the boys at night, the way her hand feels wrapped around my finger, the feel of his cheek next to mine as we pour over a book, the sound of high pitched giggles from knowing just the right tickle spot, or the scent and feel of baby skin. i can't keep these. i've already lost so many. yet, i still grab at these portions of life like a greedy child. why do i feel so desperate to hold on?
i need to remember that the sweetness of these moments are a gift from God- glimpses of joy in this life. for now, it's partial joy. later, it will be full joy. for now, i take pictures. later, perhaps i'll remember in full. for now, life happens in snap shots. later, the full picture will be revealed. i have freedom to live and freedom to forget.