good friday | 4.22.11

i lost my temper again this morning.
i was too late, too stressed, too tired.
and i was mean to the little ones i love so dearly.

often, the mornings are when i see my ugliness most clearly.
i can be so quick tempered.
angry.
unkind.

though i try so hard to appear beautiful,
it's obvious i'm a broken person.

one who does the very thing i don't want to do
and doesn't do the thing i desperately do want to do.
i'm a cracked vessel.

some of my crevices run deeper than i'm willing to admit.
and contain more dirt and muck than i want to see.

but jesus sees.

and he was willing to be broken
for my brokenness. 
he was willing to be
ripped from his perfect relationship with god- his father.
ripped from his perfect home.
ripped from his perfect record.
so that this broken vessel-
that i-
could be filled with his beauty.
this is not always easy for me to believe.

but god gives me eyes to see it.
and in those moments when i do,
my entire way of being
is changed.
covered.
filled.
made beautiful.

good friday
is a dark day.

 christians remember it
so that we are not tempted to think
it was unnecessary.
that we're not that bad-
or that we can fill our own broken souls.

it is a dark day,
but it is good.
indeed.