i often hesitate to share about real life (the deeper, darker part) on this blog.
it's difficult to know where to draw the lines of what's appropriate or what's not.

and it's really hard for me to focus on one particular topic to discuss, like photography.
this is hardly a "professional photography blog"
though i am a professional photographer who writes this blog.
and i do use it to share updates and information about my business
with the hopes that many of you are interested in that.

i believe family photography is a very personal experience.
so i feel connecting a personal blog with my business makes perfect sense.

so this blog is also personal.

but still.
how personal?

i guess tonight i'm staring at this screen wanting to reach out to you all.
i'm in unchartered territory.
and i really work better in community, so hear me out if you will.

my mom is having delusions.
as far as we know they started this year.
she imagines people trying to come in her window,
hanging out on her roof,
and even in her home.

it's really odd to hear her talk about it.
eery even.
perhaps it is like having an imaginary friend.

anyway. it breaks my heart.
there is something really wrong with my mom's mind.

she's staying with us right now.
elliot told her the other day, that she wasn't my mom~ that i was her mom.

that's a little bit like how it feels.

we desperately need an mri... she is uninsured.
she was told she can't live alone by a psychiatrist a few months ago.
my sister took her in, but her home and things remain as if she's coming back.
and i don't think she is.

like i said, unchartered territory.

all of a sudden, we have to figure out medicare, mri's, special needs trusts, mental health care,
doctors, selling/renting her home, what to do with her stuff, how to pay for everything...
and how to love her well, like she did for us.
even when she seems a million miles away right beside me.

she's been with us for a week now.
and it's been better than i thought in many ways.
but in other ways, it makes me miss her.
who she really is.
and that's the hardest part.
i have this crystal hanging in my kitchen window.
i purchased it recently in honor of my mom.
she has always loved these and i remember her spinning them for us as children
so that we could watch the rainbows move around the room.

things like this help me remember who she is.